Rolfe Syndrome

Are you old enough?

This simple statement should be made an international standard, hereby dubbed ISO10+. I have been to numerous sites with almost as many age verification tactics. From the mundane, click “I Agree I am Old Enough” to the downright insulting, enter your birtdate.

Seriously, who, over the age of 9, would enter their real birthdate to access content on the itnernet. Let’s say you were not old enough, but still stupid enough to enter your birthdate. What happens when you are told you aren’t old enough? You go back and enter a new birthdate!

Does this really protect anyone, other than those with an IQ lower than my cat’s? Would anyone that couldn’t circumvent these age verification techniques even understand what lies beyond should they inadvertently gain access?

I know it’s a legal requirement, but couldn’t you make these things simple enough as to not annoy the millions who want to see your content. An “Are You Old Enough?” button is also much cheaper to develop than an entire your birthday form, it will also stop just as many illegal viewers. Shouldn’t it be enough to just let your visitor know that they me be about to view questionable content?

All my DVDs and games have a sticker on them to make sure I don’t watch them accidentally, but they function exactly the same as all the ones without stickers. Can’t we do the same for websites? A little MA15+ sticker in the top-right should be all we need. Then make sure the first page doesn’t have questionable content, and contains a link to the T&C of using the site. Just don’t bother me with it!

I would like to see statistics from some such website showing me how many people were born on 1st January, and how many people failed age verification and tried again 2 seconds later. Get some real stats on whether these things work before using them.

Love - Hate

I just got an iPhone, and I realised, that like every gadget, or piece of computer equipment that I’ve ever had, it’s just not good enough. And I doubt anything ever will be, because there will always be something it doesn’t do, since, let’s face it, nothing can do everything.

But with the iPhone, I think the thing that would make me the happiest … would be, no more syncing.

I want this little bastard to stream my music direct from an audio cloud or some such, to every device I own that can output a sound.

It could be done, via another wireless audio gadget, that is cheap, and that I can hook up to anything via a single connection, with converters to my stereo inputs, my USB inputs, fuck it, even a converter that will connect directly to each of my individual 5.1 surround speakers! And make it wireless power too, so it can power all my devices, into a wireless power converter connected to every power plug in my house. I want my hair to frizz up more than a blonde on cup day, I want lightning strikes IN MY HOUSE damn-it!

Love - Hate

It has recently been drawn to my attention that certain people in this world don’t wear hats for practical or fashionable reasons. They are worn almost as if they are floating above their head. Obviously, for laws of physics reasons, these hats do not actually float, but sit so high up on the persons head I’m surprised the slightest movement does not knock them off.

Or, perhaps it does. For I do not know any people like this, if I did, I would probably go out of my way to not know them for very long. Perhaps I have even done so unconsciously, as the very thought of knowing someone like this ranks up there with befriending someone who wears pants around their ankles, all the while believing it is somehow fashionable or practical. No, it is not.

These thoughts ultimately led me to believe that it would be possible for someone to use aforementioned people for personal gain. As they say, if you can’t beat them with a stick until they are bloody and pulpy and have learnt their lessons, profit from them.

I therefore propose the adjustable height cap. It would be just like the normal caps these people have on top, but underneath would be an ingenious system, whereby a tiny pole is mounted to the wearers head. Possibly using gaffer tape, or for the not so feint of heart, bolted directly into the skull (this would be my preferred  method for said people). The pole would then be used to raise the cap far above the head, where it serves its (unknown to me) cappy purpose.

Love - Hate

Why is there no “Hate” button beside the “Like” button. Or, for those pansies who hate the word hate (oh, I know you’re out there, you hypocritical bastards), how about a more PC “Dislike” button?

This question has plagued me time and time again. Why can’t we hate, dislike, give the thumbs down or reject anything anymore. I don’t remember the last time I went to a website where I could tell the world I don’t like your comment / photo / business. I have a single choice (which actually prevents it from being a choice) - like it - this is no more obvious than sites like Facebook, where all I can do is Like everything. Thing is, I don’t like everything that my friends and acquaintances do or think all day every day. I don’t agree with them constantly, in fact, many of them would attest that I never agree with them on anything, therefore the chance is even lower for people I don’t know.

Even in places where I have more than one option, none of those options let me say, I don’t like this, it is utter shit. No, they don’t even let me say it is bland, boring or even “I mostly agree with you, but there was that sentence where you offended all women, children and dogs on the planet at the same time, so I can’t like this”. So, I’m stuck with forever liking all toss-pots, bigots, morons and serial killers. Sometimes I wonder if these types, and more that we all dislike, are only increasing in number due to the fact that it has been made impossible for us to actually let them know that we don’t like them and their views.

These things don’t even have to extend to people, let’s say I discovered there was an asteroid hurtling towards us, and our impending doom was only days away. I could post it on Facebook, and if the whole world was reading my status, no one could click “That’s shit”, because it doesn’t exist. No, you’d all be forced to like the fact that you were going to burn a fiery death before being pummelled a kilometer into your local rock bed.

Love - Hate

I began this site, not 5 minutes ago, due to the increasing awareness of Rolfe Syndrome in the hopes of spreading information about this severe affliction. I was diagnosed at an early age, however it was a relatively unknown condition that required years of clinical trials with poking and prodding with various shaped probes.

One of the unfortunate side-effects, of those diagnosed, is the rolfism. With a wealth of information at my disposal, over time, I will endeavour to explain, in layman’s terms, the societal hurdles experienced by myself, and people like me. As this is currently the only source of information for Rolfe Syndrome sufferers on the Internet, I will continue to keep everyone abreast of any new scientific discoveries, treatments and little red pills.

Love - Hate