It has recently been drawn to my attention that certain people in this world don’t wear hats for practical or fashionable reasons. They are worn almost as if they are floating above their head. Obviously, for laws of physics reasons, these hats do not actually float, but sit so high up on the persons head I’m surprised the slightest movement does not knock them off.

Or, perhaps it does. For I do not know any people like this, if I did, I would probably go out of my way to not know them for very long. Perhaps I have even done so unconsciously, as the very thought of knowing someone like this ranks up there with befriending someone who wears pants around their ankles, all the while believing it is somehow fashionable or practical. No, it is not.

These thoughts ultimately led me to believe that it would be possible for someone to use aforementioned people for personal gain. As they say, if you can’t beat them with a stick until they are bloody and pulpy and have learnt their lessons, profit from them.

I therefore propose the adjustable height cap. It would be just like the normal caps these people have on top, but underneath would be an ingenious system, whereby a tiny pole is mounted to the wearers head. Possibly using gaffer tape, or for the not so feint of heart, bolted directly into the skull (this would be my preferred  method for said people). The pole would then be used to raise the cap far above the head, where it serves its (unknown to me) cappy purpose.

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